The Truth About Pornography - 3 Ways to Reclaim Potency

One of the most disturbing aspects of the phenomenon is that all of this high-quality content requires no financial compensation on the part of the viewer. Advertising and premium memberships account for a conservative estimate of $15 billion of annual revenue, nearly all of which is held by privately-owned corporations. What exactly is the aim of such powerful, investment-free content? 

It is easy to jump to the conclusion that there is a concerted injunction that weaponizes our sexual instinct, tantalizes it with high-quality sexual “partners” with no overt risk taken or contribution made by the participant. This capitalizes on a weak spot in the human organism to hijack our agency, weaken relationships, and emasculate men. This is true to an extent, however it misses a simpler and more human ambition: profit-motive. 

Those that invest in pornography, i.e. the producers and marketers of films, are interested in a longer game. Habitual pornography use (which is so easy to fall into that it should be considered one of the greatest inherent dangers of modern society - private access to computers, free content, short duration needed to achieve the desired effect, etc.) lowers testosterone, makes us more impulsive and less confident, weakens intimacy between partners, and promotes an ideal curated reality rather than reality itself. The claim I wish to make here is that this is not the aim in itself, but that the behaviors and relational dynamics that pornography promotes encourages dissatisfaction with the present and feeds our tendencies towards impulsivity, making us more eager consumers. It is an increasingly individualistic society edging more and more towards total isolation, a world where one need not connect to another but only to the projections and fantasies of one’s perceived sense of self. 

Beware the salesman peddling free wares. The old adage “there is no free lunch” needs a modern update: there is no free orgasm. Frequent ejaculation is a libido and polarity killer for the male-bodied and relinquishes potent and sacred creative energy, all for the seemingly innocent thrill of effortless hedonism. This is but one piece of the puzzle. That any fantasy can be made manifest, that one can watch a harem orgy or gangbang, etc., with flawless looking performers under immaculate lighting and editing, means that we are promoting a powerful and tantalizing image of sexuality that is divorced from reality. We value the idealized image over the reality of our partner, relish the beautiful skin and trim labia of immaculate young women and the chiseled physiques and enormous phalluses of Adonis-like men over the scars, valleys, scents, and nuances of our partner’s body. If we are undermined in our perceptions at this level, one so fundamental to our functioning as biological entities, then everything built on top of it is prey. We look for everything and anything which might assuage the terrible realness of direct experience. Eddie Bernays would give exuberant ovation to the pornography industry. 

I am eschewing the impact of dynamics played out in pornography, ones that are often misogynistic and violent, as much has been written about this and there is a movement within the porn industry for more female-friendly content. It is the age-old question of free will vs. persuasion. The promoters and advocates of porn will say that people are merely exercising their free choice to do what they would like to do, knowing full well that offering free content allows deep access to an individual’s psyche, data far more valuable than the fringe costs of production. It is easy to forget how naked one is when they are consuming adult content. All of that data is being sold and shared so that products and ideas can be more effectively sold. We are not consuming the content, rather, the content is consuming us. The same could be said for most forms of free internet usage such as Facebook and Google, but pornography is playing with one of, if not the most intense, biological drives in the modern world, free as we are from dangers of scarcity. 

This is all to promote an air of consciousness around what sort of material we consume, recognizing that it has effects both within and beyond our perception, as well as encourage compassion for those caught within its grip, those 5-8% that find themselves in the realm of porn addiction. Maintaining awareness around this and exercising true freedom in its face will bolster our agency, making us feel less like marionettes and more like the free-flowing energy that communicates with all existence. 

With the weapons of knowledge at your disposal, here are 3 practices you can engage in to relax the grip pornography has on you as well as the death grip on your penis.

While there is evidence to advocate that one be careful and conscious in their masturbation habits (i.e. sticking to one ejaculation a week), this article is not advocating for celibacy or abstinence. However, how we choose to masturbate, what our habits are, and what material we choose to engage with is paramount. One of pornography’s greatest dangers is its ability to move our focus away from our body in favor of a powerful stimulus. Gradual change is what I have found to be the most enduring for most individuals. With that in mind, someone that is a daily or near daily consumer of pornography might begin by masturbating once or twice a week without such physical aids. Doing so will put greater attention on the body, finding what feels pleasurable both in and outside the genitals, and promote a process of self-discovery that will bring tremendous pleasure both to the individual and any sexual or intimate relationship they might engage in. Where does the mind go? What sort of situations arise? Let desire be your guide – in the recesses of the mind, it is all permissible. Slowly start cutting pornography from your masturbation diet. Don't be discouraged if arousal is difficult without the material, your imagination will return in time. 

Many male-bodied individuals have an addiction to ejaculation. It is one of the many stories that pornography codes into us. Fixation upon this as the end goal can lead to uninteresting and pressured sex. When we don’t have to get anywhere and can instead be focused on the present, our partner’s skin, scent, sounds, and body language, we enter into a symbiotic state where our bodies can respond to each other (Dr. Cindy Meston at the University of Texas is doing fascinating work on this). We can take on the sacred masculine role and direct the infinite energy of feminine pleasure through our partner and through ourselves. If ejaculation happens, wonderful! If it does not, also wonderful. Ecstatic love-making can be had without releasing a single drop of semen. The above pleasure practice is a great place to start working with this. Simply feel how good it is to be in your body, to have a hard erection, and to play with a fantastical partner or partners. Feel the energy that moves through your legs, up your spine, and into your head and fingers. Come close to the point of no return and see if you can hold it there, experiencing this heightened state of arousal and feeling. Keep a big picture mindset: orgasms had after long periods of activity tend to be more intense, and there will be more pleasure experienced in the longer duration of sexual activity. Our masculine side loves having these little logical gifts. 

While male orgasm and ejaculation often coincide, they are actually separate processes. One can have orgasm without ejaculation, and one can ejaculate without having an orgasm. As men, we often have difficulty feeling our emotions, and this tends to keep our energy trapped within certain parts of the body. As such, our sexual energy can often remain stuck near our genitals where it overwhelms the local neural circuitry and we explode into ejaculation. When we are able to better express our emotions, feel our feminine side, then the channels by which our sexual energy can move throughout the body are opened and expanded. This is not wu-wu nonsense or spiritual hoo-ha, but well-founded neuroscience (see Dr. Metson's research). Keep in mind these are all happening along neural channels, and just as our brains can become overly solidified and not use the full availability of their connections, our bodies can become rigidly entrained as well. By coming into contact with our emotions we create potential for expanded sexuality. This energy can flow through the body, permitting greater feeling and therefore greater connection with an intimate partner, and therefore a more integrated, communicative, and gratifying sexual experience that unites us soul-to-soul and soul-to-Spirit.